Repertoire
by Shadows On A Love-Struck Soul
Summary: Ch 11 - Inside Out by Kate Voegele - little more light hearted, Arthur has a day off and Merlin has big plans including two horses and riding off past the horizon...
1. I'll Be Edwin McCain

**I'll Be**

**Repertoire – a definition: **a collection of works that an artist or company can perform or in this case; a collection of works from an author.

These fics do follow onto each other but not right away, if you know what I mean.

**Ok, for this fic to work you need to open up a second tab and copy this into the address bar: **.com/watch?v=-yIcqSfzKKc**, however, if you have it on iTunes or something there is no need, just play it on repeat through this chapter please! Pretty please ;p This will be the same for all chapters.**

Arthur liked balls; he got to dress in his most extravagant cloak and he knew he looked the most handsome man in the Kingdom. And, even if he wasn't gifted in the art of looking stunning, he would always have the fact that he was next in line to the thrown to fall back on. But that day would never come because he knew that he would look beautiful until the day he died. He was told it often enough.

So, as he dressed for the ball, he had every right to think that he looked great. Merlin, Arthur's manservant was not permitted to think Arthur looked dashing, Merlin was a man. But, he found he couldn't help it. Arthur looked so good in everything he wore, and when he wore nothing, he looked even better.

So as Merlin cleared away plates and goblets from Arthur's table, he kept his eyes firmly on his hands and the shaking plates in them. Arthur stood in front of the glass examining his appearance at every angle, and looking every bit the conceited prince (which he was).

As Arthur sat in his chair at the banquet before the ball, he leant on one hand and sighed, releasing his boredom to the world. And then Merlin came into the hall to ask Gaius something. Gaius replied and Merlin left, as rapidly as he had come. But once he had gone, Arthur couldn't get his face out of his mind. There wasn't any specific expression; it was just something that made it all fit together like a jigsaw puzzle. His dark hair made his pale skin look even paler; but also made it seem to glow. His blue eyes were deep, dark and dangerous, but instead of scaring him as they might have done, they only intrigued him further. His smile looked a little goofy and always apologetic, but if it was any different then it wouldn't be Merlin's smile.

Soon, Uther had finished his meal and so directed all of the adults away from the hall and into his private rooms for conversations about how much land they were all worth and to gloat that they were rich and powerful. In their place, an orchestra of men filed onto the room and struck up a slow number to dance to. Morgana danced with a knight; Gwen danced with another. Merlin stood on the corner, watching everything.

Merlin didn't know why his eyes wouldn't look at the girls dancing, which is what they should have been doing. They refused to look away from Arthur. And he found that, some of the time, Arthur returned his gaze. Merlin couldn't help the grin grow on his face as he looked deep at Arthur.

Merlin was so distracted that he didn't notice the girl stood next to him, staring pointedly at him and expecting him to ask her to dance. She had to clear her throat several times before he turned round. But he still looked dumbfounded so she stalked off.

Arthur chuckled.

He stood up, quietly, and walked out of the hall; some heads turned but most people were too involved in the dance. As Arthur passed Merlin he brought his hand away from his side a little and caught Merlin's fingers in it; before walking on by. Merlin's fingers tingled. He waited twenty seconds. He followed Arthur out of the door.

Arthur was waiting for him in the entrance hall. Merlin stepped forward, with a slight confused frown on his face. 'Look at me,' Arthur breathed as Merlin came closer. Merlin did so; he looked deep into Arthur's eyes. They were so regal, so powerful and commanding, but they looked as if they could fill with tears, or flash with rage, or burn with passion. They swirled and flecked different shades of blue. They were beautiful.

Arthur looked deep into Merlin; he also had blue eyes. But they were darker, a deeper, more soulful blue than his. They looked as deep, and strong and dangerous as the ocean and yet, at the same time they could have been as weak, and easily trodden on as a puddle of rainwater.

In the background, from the hall, a new song could be heard. 'A waltz' Arthur murmured. And then he took Merlin by the hand and the waist and they began to dance, with Arthur as the man, and Merlin the woman. At first, Arthur had to count for Merlin; 'One, two three. One, two three.' But Merlin soon got the hang of it and they twirled and dipped and laughed as they enjoyed this small moment that will be theirs forever.

Merlin closed his eyes and spoke into the music; 'Tell me that this isn't wrong. Everybody says this is wrong…but how can it be when it feels so…right?'

'It is right,' Arthur replied simply. 'We belong together Merlin, that much is clear,'

The strands in your eyes that colour them wonderful  
Stop me and steal my breath  
Emeralds from mountains thrust toward the sky  
Never revealing their depth  
Tell me that we belong together  
Dress it up with the trappings of love  
I'll be captivated  
I'll hang from your lips  
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

Chorus:  
I'll be your crying shoulder  
I'll be your love suicide  
and I'll be better when I'm older  
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

Rain falls angry on the tin roof  
As we lie awake in my bed  
You're my survival, you're my living proof  
My love is alive not dead  
Tell me that we belong together  
Dress it up with the trappings of love  
I'll be captivated I'll hang from your lips  
Instead of the gallows of heartache, that hang from above

I'll be your crying shoulder  
I'll be your love suicide  
and I'll be better when I'm older  
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

I've been dropped out, burned up, fought my way back from the dead  
Tuned in, turned on, Remembered the things that you said

I'll be your crying shoulder  
I'll be your love suicide  
and I'll be better when I'm older  
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

I'll be your crying shoulder

I'll be your love suicide

I'll be better when I'm older

I'll be the greatest fan of your life

The greatest fan of your life

The greatest fan of your life

**I'll Be – by Edwin McCain**


	2. Mad Bout The Boy Ava Leigh

**Mad about the Boy**

Ok, here's the address for the song, it's quite short so you may have to put it on repeat ;p .com/watch?v=DBn5TUQatF4

Merlin was in bliss, it felt like he drifted and floated about the castle, instead of walking from room to room. Everything was tinted so it was rosy and he couldn't wipe that silly grin off his face.

He would spend as much time with Arthur as he could during the day. Merlin would clean and tidy Arthur's room and then Arthur would accidentally-on-purpose knock something over and Merlin would have to clear it up, taking as much time as possible.

While Arthur and Merlin were alone together they would keep catching the other's eyes from across the room and muffling laughs. Every time Merlin walked passed Arthur while in his chambers Arthur steal a kiss from his cheek.

But later, while Merlin was hanging up some of Arthur washing in the basement; Gwen came down with a basket of Morgana's washing. 'Hello Merlin,' she said, haughtily. 'I wanted a word with you,'

Merlin looked up innocently.

'I know what is going in with you and Arthur. I saw you dancing, didn't say anything because I didn't want to interrupt.'

'And…?' Merlin motioned for her to continue.

'And it's wrong,' she insisted, 'Merlin you are a man and you can't love a man. Especially not Arthur; Arthur is the crowned Prince of Camelot and must, one day, produce an heir. He can't do that with you, can he?'

'But…but…but he-'

'Besides, it's criminal!' Gwen nearly shouted. 'If Uther ever found out he would hang you and leave Arthur broken hearted. You know it can't go on indefinitely, you'll have to end it someday, somehow,'

Merlin shook his head. He and Arthur would last together; forever. He knew that in his heart.

'Why draw it out, why make the bond between you any deeper and thicker than it needs to be? Why make the final goodbye anymore painful and difficult than it need be? If you won't do it for you, do it for Arthur. Break the relationship before you break his heart. Please, Merlin.'

Merlin nodded. He bit his lip and thought hard; he thought about everything Gwen had said but the overriding factor was that Arthur's head was drifting into his mind and he couldn't stop it. He loved Arthur too much to not go near him. They had only showed each other their feelings a week ago, but he already knew that there was something far more than friendship. And Merlin didn't care what Gwen said because her words disappeared into noise when he thought of Arthur.

'Merlin!' Arthur called from the top of the stairs. He grinned and hurried up the stairs, back to Arthur's chambers and into Arthur's smiles.

Can't make up my mind, about the boy  
Sometimes he brings me down, sometimes he brings me joy  
I want him around, but he's never in town  
Can't make up my mind, oh no

But I love him even though my friends say he's not right  
I know it's true but can't deny he's on my mind

**Chorus**  
I love him I love him I love him I love him  
I love him I love him I love him I love him  
And there ain't no other that I'd put above him  
I'm so mad about the boy

Can't make up my mind about this guy  
Sometimes he makes me smile sometimes he makes me cry  
Other guys have tried, but he's the one I like  
I'm so mad about this guy

But I love him even though my friends say he's no right  
I know its true but cant deny he's on my mind

**Chorus**  
I love him I love him I love him I love him  
I love him I love him I love him I love him  
And there ain't no other that I'd put above him  
I'm so mad about the boy

Call it what you like but I ain't no love fool  
You would understand if he was loving you  
We've had our ups and downs, but i still want him around  
He is the one, I know is true

**Chorus**  
I love him I love him I love him I love him  
I love him I love him I love him I love him  
And there ain't no other that I'd put above him  
I'm so mad about the boy ….

Mad about the boy by Ava Leigh


	3. Tell Me Why Taylor Swift

**Tell Me Why**

Everything was fine, but Arthur was getting moodier and grumpier. He had less patience with Merlin and with everybody. Merlin didn't know what he had done to make Arthur so blunt and blank.

One day, a day just like any other, Merlin was tidying Arthur's things and talking about something and nothing. None of it really mattered but he was wittering away as he usually did when; 'Be quiet. Please, can you just be quiet for a minute?' Arthur asked.

Merlin dropped the dirty clothes in his arms; 'you love listening to me talk about nothing?' Merlin asked in a voice that really meant _you used to_.

'I do, I love you,' Arthur replied. 'Just, I need to concentrate for a moment.'

'Oh, anything I can help with?' Merlin asked innocently.

'Probably not,'

'I could have a go?'

'Merlin…'

'Yes Arthur?'

'You're still talking,'

'Oh, right,' and then there was silence.

After several minutes of finger tapping and thumb twiddling, Merlin got up and headed for the door.

Without taking his eyes off the parchment he was reading Arthur stopped him in his tracks; 'Where are you going?'

Merlin turned back to Arthur. 'I was just going to… go out for a bit of fresh air and talk to Gaius or something,'

'There's no need to do that,'

'Well, I don't particularly want to sit here in silence so I may as well do something else,'

'I'll be with you in a minute, I'm nearly done,' Arthur replied, impatiently.

'Well, you can come and get me when you're done,' Merlin replied, heading for the door again.

Arthur launched himself out of his chair and positioned himself between Merlin and the closed door. 'For goodness sake can't you wait for five minutes?!'

'Yes, probably, but I really do need to talk to Gaius so could you let me past please?' Merlin tried to get past Arthur to the door again but Arthur was losing his patience now.

'No, you still don't _get it_ do you?' Arthur asked; lashing out at Merlin and thumping him on the words _get it_. Merlin flew backwards two feet and hit the ground, hitting his head hard, on the cold, unfeeling floor. 'You still don't get it do you?' Arthur repeated, really angry now for no apparent reason other than Merlin wanted to talk to Gaius. 'You come and go when _I_ say. You talk and you are quiet when _I_ want you to be. You do not presume that you can leave whenever you want and I can 'come and find you'. That's not how it works. You play to my rules.'

Merlin had sat up, leaning on his elbows and swallowing every word. 'What's happened to you?' he asked, in a voice barely more than a whisper.

Arthur came to his senses; what had he done? Had he really, really hit Merlin? _Hit Merlin?_. What had come over him? He went to Merlin's side immediately and tried to help him up, being as gentle as possible. Merlin continuously shrugged him off until he could manage to stand; then he made his way to the door.

'Where are you going?' Arthur asked.

'Away from you,' Merlin replied, 'you're the one who doesn't get it _your highness_. You can't treat people like this, you can't treat me like this. And you think _I'm_ immature.' And with that Merlin left, one hand on the wall to steady him and one hand clutching his aching stomach, probably bruised from the punch. Arthur was left standing in the middle of his chambers, in the silence, and all alone.

I took a chance, I took a shot  
And you might think i'm bulletproof, but i'm not  
You took a swing, I took it hard  
And down here from the ground I see who you are

I'm sick and tired of your attitude  
I'm feeling like I don't know you  
You tell me that you love me then you cut me down  
And I need you like a heartbeat  
But you know you got a mean streak  
Makes me run for cover when you're around  
And here's to you and your temper  
Yes, I remember what you said last night  
And I know that you see what you're doing to me  
Tell me why..

You could write a book on how to ruin someone's perfect day  
Well I get so confused and frustrated  
Forget what i'm trying to say, oh

I'm sick and tired of your reasons  
I got no one to believe in  
You tell me that you want me, then push me around  
And I need you like a heartbeat  
But you know you got a mean streak  
Makes me run for cover when you're around  
Here's to you and your temper  
Yes, I remember what you said last night  
And I know that you see what you're doing to me  
Tell me why..

Why..do you have to make me feel small  
So you can feel whole inside  
Why..do you have to put down my dreams  
So you're the only thing on my mind

I'm sick and tired of your attitude  
I'm feeling like I don't know you  
You tell me that you want me then cut me down  
I'm sick and tired of your reasons  
I've got no one to believe in  
You ask me for my love then you push me around  
Here's to you and your temper  
Yes, I remember what you said last night  
And I know that you see what you're doing to me  
Tell me why  
Why, tell me why

I take a step back, let you go  
I told you i'm not bulletproof  
Now you know

Tell me why by Taylor Swift


	4. Broken Lifehouse

**Broken – Lifehouse**

OK, here's the link for this song, I really love this song so I hope you enjoy it. .com/watch?v=6OaTYzUVysA

Arthur couldn't sleep, those words kept ringing in his head, round and round. 'And you think _I'm_ immature'. What had he done? He had been stupid and angry, he had wanted Merlin all to himself all of the time and because of that, he had lost Merlin.

He had handed in his notice, then just walked out, three days ago. Arthur knew he was still living with Gaius but he didn't have the nerve to go and talk to him. He seemed to have become timeless, minutes, seconds and hours all melted into one blur while he stood at his window, feeling the breeze on his face.

Merlin was so angry with himself. What had he been thinking? Gaius had picked up on all the negativity flowing from Merlin like waves.

'What's wrong now?' he asked, a little despondently, that evening.

'It's just Arthur,' Merlin mumbled.

'What about him?'

'I…I shouldn't have quit. I shouldn't have walked out on him,'

'Enough of that nonsense.' Gaius snapped. 'You know it was for the best. You know what he did was wrong and that you couldn't have stayed with him. Now, you're going home in the morning and I'm not going to see you for six months. That means you're not going to see Arthur and he's going to forget about you. Then you can come back in half a year, grow your hair a bit, get a bit of weight on those bones of yours, Arthur won't recognise you at all.'

'I don't know,' Merlin stalled 'I mean, I'm supposed to protect him, it's hard work and so much can happen in six months that he might not be here for me to come back to. I still love him, I don't want to let go of this feeling I have when he looks at me. But, surely, if he loved me or felt anything like what I feel about him, he would have come by now, he would have at least tried to talk to me,'

'But he hasn't and he won't and that is just what you need him to do,'

Morgana was worried, Arthur wasn't himself. He didn't eat with everyone in the great hall, he didn't go hunting, he had even stopped training with Merlin outside. Sometimes, she could swear that he sat there not even breathing. As if holding his breath would hold back the time. Things were getting out of hand.

Arthur couldn't take it any longer, there was nothing stopping him from going to talk to Merlin except himself. He got up, and pounded down the corridors to Gaius' chambers.

He took a deep breath before raising his fist and knocking on the door. Gaius answered it, trying his best to block the door. 'Yes, Prince Arthur?' He asked.

'Is Merlin here?' he asked desperately, trying to see past Gaius.

'Yes…but he's ill,' Gaius said wildly.

'What the hell, I know he's there, I just need to talk to him,'

'Gaius,' Merlin from his room at the end of Gaius' 'Gaius, I can talk to him,'

Gaius sighed and walked away, Merlin came and took the place where he had stood, with just his head poking round the door.

'Merlin,' was all Arthur could say.

'Yes?' he looked at Arthur, eyes bright.

'I…I'm sorry,'

'Well, you should be,'

'I know, and I am, I really am. What I did was inexcusable but it's not reason for you to resign, I know what I did was wrong and I feel so terrible about it that I know I'll never do anything like that again'

'I believe you, and I love you, I do.' Merlin stepped out from behind the door, he didn't have a shirt on and Arthur could clearly see the dark purple and blue stain on his skin, the bruise of Arthur's fist flying through the air and connecting with his stomach. 'And I know that you won't mean to do it, but I can't trust you to keep control all the time. And I wouldn't mind it if you cut me or slapped me or knocked me down, but when you hit me, I stopped breathing for a moment. It was like my lungs shut down and my heart stopped beating, like I was broken. And it completely terrified me.'

'Merlin, I-'

'How can you tell me that it won't happen again when you don't know that, and I don't know that? And if it happened again, I might break completely.' He looked at the floor.

Arthur nodded. He understood, but he wasn't happy about it. Merlin could see just how he was feeling, he was like an open book, so easy to read.

'I'm leaving tomorrow,' Merlin whispered.

'What?' Arthur asked, shocked.

'I'm going home, and I'm not coming back,'

'Why?' he breathed.

'So you can forget me,' He looked up into Arthur's face, desperately trying to tell him that he's sorry through his eyes. There was silence for a few moments, 'I think you should go,'

Arthur spent all night reliving the few precious moments he got to spend with Merlin, remembering every contour and line of Merlin's face, but the image that kept looming in his mind was that bruise on Merlin's stomach.

By the morning, just the thought of Merlin leaving and never coming back was causing him physical pain. When he glanced out of his window late morning, he saw Merlin and Gaius stood in the courtyard, talking. Merlin had a large rucksack on his back, as Arthur stood watching, it began to rain. It pelted down like bullets so fast and sudden. Gaius shook Merlin's hand and then retreated into the castle. In the distance Arthur could see forked lightening and then he heard the rumble of thunder.

Merlin stood in the courtyard, in the rain, on his own. He looked up at Arthur's room, and Arthur looked away. He waited for a moment longer, hoping against hope that Arthur would come running after him, but nobody came, so he turned and left.

No. Arthur wasn't going to let this happen, he ran down the corridors of the castle, out into the courtyard. 'Merlin' he shouted, as the rain pounded down on them both. Merlin turned and froze where he stood. 'Merlin, I love you, and I'm sorry.'

'Arthur, don't do this,'

'Why not?' Arthur asked, rain dripping from his hair. 'Why not, Merlin. I love you so much, you have no idea. I don't want you to leave, I don't want you to go anywhere that's away from me.'

'But happens if you get angry again?'

'I won't' Arthur shook his head.

'You can't promise me that…Arthur, we had this conversation yesterday. You can't promise me anything,'

'Yes. Yes I can. Merlin, I promise that if it happens again I won't stop you from leaving. But please give me another chance.'

Merlin thought hard for a moment. 'I love you too. I love you so much, I'll stay. But if anything like that happens again I leave straight away,'

Merlin was smiling now, as was Arthur. He took Merlin's hand in his and pulled the rucksack off his back. 'Come on,' he murmured. 'Together, we can fix this,'

The door to Arthur's chambers had barely shut when Merlin pulled him into a desperate kiss. And when they broke apart, Merlin could tell in Arthur's eyes that this was never going to happen again.

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight  
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time  
I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts  
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing  
With a broken heart that's still beating  
In the pain, there is healing  
In your name I find meaning  
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on  
I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head  
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead  
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes  
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing  
with a broken heart that's still beating  
In the pain (in the pain), is there healing  
In your name (in your name) I find meaning  
So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')  
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day  
Just to see what you throw my way  
And I'm hanging on to the words you say  
You said that I will be OK

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone  
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing  
with a broken heart that's still beating  
In the pain(In the pain) there is healing  
In your name I find meaning  
So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),  
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),  
I'm barely holdin' on to you


	5. Stripped Shiny Toy Guns

Stripped

here's the link : .com/watch?v=ZQyb_zV51HM hope you like this song as much as I do!

It had been nearly two months, since Arthur hit Merlin. Merlin, being Merlin, had forgiven Arthur and trusted him to never do anything like that again. Since this incident, Arthur had kept his temper in control and made sure he was considerate and patient with Merlin all the time. Merlin had tried to not get on Arthur's nerves because he didn't want to provoke Arthur too much. In fact, Merlin was still just a little but scared.

He trusted Arthur not to hit him purposefully, but if Arthur lost control, he could hit Merlin, or worse. It always stayed in the back of Merlin's mind. In his split-second reluctance to touch Arthur, in his sharp intake of breath when they looked at each other it was always just enough to remind Arthur that not all was forbidden.

One day, Arthur skipped into Gaius' chambers and straight into Merlin's room. 'Morning all. Lovely day. Rise and shine. Good morning good morning.' He sang happily. Merlin was still asleep. At the sound of the door shutting and Arthur's singing, he stretched and opened his eyes. When he registered that Arthur was stood in his chambers while he was in bed, in his underclothes, he jumped and scrambled to pull the blankets up as high as possible.

'Arthur!' he complained, though he was smiling. 'Arthur, what are you doing in here?'

'I came to see you,' Arthur said simply. He sat on Merlin's bed with him and put his arm round Merlin's shaking, naked shoulders.

'Yeah, well, whatever it was you came to see me about, couldn't it have waited until I was awake and dressed,' he half muttered, half grumbled. Arthur didn't take this to heart. It was quite hard to take Merlin seriously while he was burrowing his head into your arm and making contented 'mmmhhh' noises.

'But that is exactly what I came to talk to you about,' Arthur said in his matter of fact voice, while holding Merlin closer to him 'and do you use everyone as a personal pillow or is this saved just for me?' secretly, Arthur really liked Merlin resting his head on his arm. And when Merlin lifted his off Arthur's arm, he pushed Merlin's head back down again.

'I don't get it,' Merlin said blankly.

'I mean, we have been together, for about three months, four months,'

'On and off,' Merlin added.

Arthur rolled his eyes, 'Yes on and off,' Arthur resumed his talk 'and I think we should go for a walk today,'

Merlin rolled over onto his stomach and propped himself up on his elbows. 'What for?' He frowned slightly.

'For a talk, for a stroll, for a chance of being together and open about _us_ in the way we can't be here in the castle.' Arthur grinned.

Merlin rolled back onto his back and looked up at Arthur 'Fine, why not. After all, I am your servant and if you say that I am to go for a walk with you, then I suppose I must go for a walk with you. But I don't get how this links to you coming to talk to me while I'm in bed,'

'Because we have been together for a while and I think it's time to move forward, only if you want to, of course,'

A grin spread wide on Merlin's beautiful face 'How long have I got?'

'Five minutes,' Arthur mumbled. He then got up and walked out of the room to go and talk to Gaius.

Five minutes? Merlin had to use a lot of effort to wrench himself out of his warm, comfortable bed. But when he was up he raced around to get washed and dressed and out of his room in five minutes.

Arthur turned round as Merlin entered, 'Ah, Merlin, there you are. Are you ready?' Merlin nodded. Arthur turned and walked out of the room. Merlin followed him. Merlin remained behind Arthur until they got out of the city. Once out of the walls of Camelot Merlin jogged forward and came level with Arthur.

Arthur offered him a hand and Merlin took it. He squeezed it once and then looked up at Arthur who was looking back at him. They were walking across the field towards the forest hand in hand and happy as two men could be. They remained silent for some time, just enjoying being together. But soon they reached the trees and had to look where they were going through the long grass with protruding roots. It took a lot of concentration on Merlin's part to stay upright and nit trip over, Arthur however, thought he could manage walking without much difficulty. He strode through the grass feeling so content to be out and open with Merlin by his side instead of trailing behind. But, suddenly, his foot was caught by a protruding root. He fell straight down, pulling Merlin with him and they landed in a head on the ground.

They were both laughing raucously. 'Oh, ouch,' Merlin sighed.

'Sorry,' Arthur replied. 'What have you hurt?'

'My neck,' Merlin grumbled, rubbing it and smiling at Arthur.

Arthur pushed himself up into a sitting position and spread his legs wide and pulled Merlin backwards so he was sat between them. It looked like a mother, looking after her child. Arthur untied Merlin's neckerchief and put his cold fingers on Merlin's throat. He held two fingers together and gently began to press down on Merlin's neck, moving further along until he found the spot where Merlin winced.

'Ah,' he shouted.

'Ssshh,' Arthur whispered 'Sshh,'

'Arthur, it hurts,' Merlin said to the forest, not wanting to turn round to Arthur because it would hurt his neck.

'I know,' he muttered. Then he leant forward and, very gently, kissed the tender part of Merlin's neck. Merlin closed his eyes and relaxed into Arthur's body, while Arthur moved his lips further up Merlin's neck. Suddenly, Merlin scrambled to his knees and turned to face Arthur, looking pale with nerves he plunged into a kiss that almost knocked Arthur backwards. When he pulled away they were both grinning stupidly. Arthur flopped down onto his back and let himself sink into the grass.

Merlin lay down next to him and closed his eyes. 'Sorry about that,' he mumbled not sounding sorry at all.

'What's there to be sorry about Merlin?' Arthur asked, playing with a few strands of grass.

'For almost pouncing on you,' Merlin stifled a laugh.

'Well, I have to say, I found it quite enjoyable,' Arthur returned.

Merlin flung his arms wide in the grass and sighed. Arthur propped himself up on one elbow. He looked at Merlin, the purse of his lips, the black of his lashes, the distinction of his cheekbones. In one, swift movement, he leaned forward and kissed his manservant again. Merlin responded almost at once, Arthur reached and put his hand on Merlin's shoulder. Merlin tried to push himself upward, further into Arthur's kiss, but Arthur pushed him back down, breaking their kiss. He twisted onto his front and lay with his chest on top of Merlin's. Merlin looked a little annoyed that their kiss had been broken, like a small child who wasn't allowed any more sweets. But when Arthur re-instated the kiss with more vigour, Merlin seems content enough.

They became timeless in that forest. Between the trees with pale, bright and dark green light and the soft, long grass. Arthur pulled away from Merlin again and the annoyed expression returned to his face. 'Do you want this?' Arthur asked, his voice husky. Merlin nodded but didn't look convincing. 'Are you sure,'

'Yes,' Merlin whispered, stroking Arthur's feathery fringe away from his face.

'Prove it,' Arthur grinned, dragging his teeth down Merlin's bottom lip.

Merlin's contagious smile spread across his lips, the smile that made Arthur's heart swell and breathing seem impossible. 'Ok.' He whispered. In one movement Merlin pushed on Arthur's shoulders and rolled him over onto his back, so Merlin was on top, so Merlin was in control. 'Say my name,' Merlin said, confident and questioning.

'Sorry?' Arthur asked confused.

'Say my name,' Merlin said again.

'Why?'

'Because I want you to, because I want to know that you want me,'

'Merlin,' Arthur said blankly.

'Louder,'

'Merlin,' Arthur said, louder.

'Louder, come on Arthur!' Merlin ordered.

'Merlin,'

'Louder,'

'Merlin,'

'LOUDER,' Merlin shouted.

'MERLIN!' Arthur shouted.

Merlin grinned, 'now, say it really quietly, but with the same impact,' he teased, toying with the strings of Arthur's tunic.

'Merlin,' Arthur whispered, his voice sensual and full of desire.

Merlin bent down and kissed Arthur very gently, just for a second. 'That's better, what was all the shouting for?'

As punishment; Arthur rolled Merlin onto his back again and straddled his hips. 'Now it's my turn to be boss,' he laughed and Merlin didn't protest.

Later, they arrived back at the castle and walked down the corridor. At the end of it, Merlin had to turn left, Arthur had to turn right. They quickly looked down the three corridors that met there, like a capital T. Nobody was there. Merlin stood on his tip toes and kissed Arthur's cheek, their fingers entwined. When he pulled away their hands stayed together, as long as possible while they both walked away.

'Arthur?'

'Yes Merlin?'

'When we're together, I always want you to say my name like you said it in the forest that last time,'

'Ok, _Merlin,_' Arthur whispered, before walking off to his chambers.

Come With Me  
Into The Tree's  
we'll lay on the grass  
And let the hours pass  
Take My Hand  
Come Back To The Land  
Let's Get Away  
Just for one day.

Let Me See You  
Stripped Down to the bone  
Let me Hear you  
Speaking Just For Me  
Let me see you  
Stripped Down to the bone  
Let Me Hear you  
Crying just for me

Let Me Hear you  
Make decisions  
Without Your Television  
Let Me hear you speaking  
just for me.

Metropolis  
Has Nothing on This  
You're Breathing in fumes  
I taste when we kiss  
Take My Hand  
Come Back To The Land  
Where Everything's Ours  
For a Few Hours

Let Me See You  
Stripped Down to the bone  
Let me Hear you  
Speaking Just For Me  
Let me see you  
Stripped Down to the bone  
Let Me Hear you  
Crying just for me

Let Me Hear you  
Make decisions  
Without Your Television  
Let Me hear you speaking  
just for me.

Let Me See You  
Stripped Down to the bone  
Let me Hear you  
Speaking Just For Me  
Let me see you  
Stripped Down to the bone  
Let Me Hear you  
Crying just for me


	6. Tonight Kate Walsh

**Tonight – Kate Walsh**

Ok, this is my favourite song of all time. I love every word and I wanted to put it in here, but I couldn't think of a nice way to do it. So this is very angsty and tilting towards M rated (but not too much) so hope you enjoy and Please please please check out the song: **.com/watch?v=Dse50ODJhtw**

It was beautiful, crisp autumn day. The leaves on the trees were all different colours making it look like a patchwork bed throw. Not unlike the one Merlin had been making for Arthur for his birthday. He had been saving his wages for months; hoping that he could afford a little something for his boyfriend. But suddenly Uther had fallen ill and Gaius needed certain ingredients urgently. The only way to get them was to buy them so Merlin had gone out with his money and bought everything needed. That only left him with a few pennies. He managed to buy a few scraps of fabric from a stall in the market and set about a patchwork strip for Arthur's bed.

Arthur's birthday was tomorrow. Merlin had six more patches to add before it was ready. But he wouldn't be able to finish it until tonight; because today he had jobs to do.

On this day, there was a new arrival in Camelot. He had brown hair and brown eyes; a devilish grin, and a love for causing trouble. His name was Max. He saw Merlin hurrying down the corridor, leading out into the courtyard and followed him. Eventually he caught up with the manservant and fell into step beside him.

'Can I help you?' Merlin asked.

'Yes, I am a friend of Prince Arthur. Where could I find him?' he asked.

Merlin stumbled in a very Merlin-like way and nearly dropped everything he was carrying. 'I'm just going to Arthur's chambers now.' He grinned.

Max smiled and took half of what Merlin was carrying for him. When they reached Arthur's chambers, Merlin knocked on the door and entered. 'Merlin!' Arthur beamed, where have you been? It's been about half an hour?' he moved forward and lifted the things out of Merlin's hands, casting them onto the table. He slipped his arms round Merlin's waist and sat down in his chair, pulling Merlin onto his lap. Merlin looked a little uneasy. He turned guiltily to the door. Arthur looked over to the door as well, only to see Max standing there.

He jumped up very fast, knocking Merlin to the floor. 'Max. What on earth are you doing here?'

Max shrugged 'Just came for a visit'

'Put that stuff down, Merlin will look after it,' Arthur said, embracing Max in a man hug. 'we are going for a walk. You have to tell me all about your trip,' Arthur took the things out of Max's hands and put them on the table; just as he had for Merlin. 'Just give me a moment, I will meet you in the courtyard'

Max turned to leave, but he didn't go any further than four steps. He stopped just outside the door. He was sure he had seen Arthur pull Merlin onto his lap. He was sure Arthur had put his hands round Merlin's waist. Max hovered just outside the door to Arthur's chambers and listened intently.

Merlin was still sat on the floor. He was in a bit of shock still. Arthur came back to him and sat back in the chair; he put his arms back round Merlin's waist on the floor and pulled him back up onto his lap as easily as if he were a rag doll. 'Sorry about that,' Arthur murmured in Merlin's ear.

'It's fine,' Merlin said, burrowing into Arthur's chest. 'I don't want anybody to know either. But I didn't know you were going to sit me on you knee like a small child.' He kissed Arthur's cheek.

'Well, I didn't know you were going to bring my friend to my chambers without telling me. Otherwise I wouldn't have pulled you onto my lap until I knew it was safe.'

'Sorry. I knew it was my fault,'

'Nothing's your fault Merlin,' Arthur whispered. Merlin turned round fully to kiss Arthur properly and run his fingers through Arthur's golden curls. Arthur picked Merlin up easily again and sat him on the table next to the two piles on the table. 'I have to go. Sorry I left you with this, but I will make it up to you,'

Arthur walked away, still holding onto Merlin's hand until he was too far. Then he turned and walked to the door.

Max noticed Arthur coming and hurried away to the courtyard. Arthur arrived a minute or two later and they began their walk. 'So, Merlin. I have to say that was unexpected.'

Arthur looked up fast. 'Oh, you saw that?'

Max laughed. 'It was hard to miss. You pulled him onto your lap with your arms round his waist.'

'Well, I suppose that would be a bit of a give away,' Arthur replied shiftily.

Max kicked a stone down the road and watched it tumble away. 'There was a time when you pulled me onto your lap like that,' he said quietly, although it was obvious that Arthur was supposed to hear it. They turned down a dark alleyway that was completely deserted.

'Well. That was a long time ago,' Arthur said, looking straight ahead and fighting the urge to touch Max's hand.

'Not that long-'

'Long enough,' Arthur snapped. He stopped walking and turned to face Max, mere inches from his face. 'You left me. Remember?'

'You left me a thousand times before that,' Max said harshly.

'I know I left you.' Arthur replied 'You were my first. It was a lot to come to terms with; loving a man. I was scared of what would happen if anybody found out. I was scared. So I ran.'

'You ran away from your feelings' Max spat.

'Yes I ran away! But Max, I always came back. You left me and never returned. You ended it. You broke my heart. You did all of that. You can't come back three years later and expect me to still be waiting for you.'

'Did you wait for me?' Max took a step closer, Arthur could feel his breath on his face.

'Of course I waited. I thought you were doing what I did. I thought you would be back any day. But the days merged into weeks. The weeks merged into months and the months to years. You can't expect anybody to wait that long. And now I've got Merlin.'

'And what does Merlin mean to you?' Max asked.

'Everything. I trust him with my life and my love. He would never be unfaithful. He would never leave me.' Arthur thought for a moment. 'He would never leave me without good reason.'

Max backed off. 'Fine.' He shrugged.

'Pardon?' Arthur asked, confused.

'Fine. If you are happy, then I am happy. Do you think Merlin could set up a room for me, I am staying in the castle if you don't mind?'

'What? You are over it just like that?'

'Yes. I am,' Max kissed Arthur on the cheek, just as Merlin had. Then he left Arthur in the dark.

The next morning was Arthur's birthday. Merlin had sat up all night to finish the patchwork throw for him. As soon as it was light, Merlin crept out of bed, snuck past Gaius, and made his way up to Arthur's room. He knocked on the door and opened it. Arthur was in his chambers as expected. What Merlin wasn't expecting was to see Arthur sat on his bed with his arm round Max and his other holding Max's hand.

Merlin dropped the neatly folded package to the floor. Arthur jumped up and away from Max as fast as possible; just as he had done with Merlin.

'Merlin! I wasn't expecting you so early,' Arthur said blankly.

Arthur was looking at Merlin earnestly. If Merlin had looked into Arthur's eyes he would have known that nothing was happening between them. But Merlin's eyes were locked on Max's. He was looking at Merlin, then he looked at Arthur, up and down. Then back at Merlin. It seemed obvious. Arthur and Max. They had known each other a lot longer than Merlin had known Arthur; they had shared a lot more.

'Happy Birthday,' Merlin said coldly, kicking the package under Arthur's bed and walking away.

'I should go after him,' Arthur muttered. 'He jumped to the wrong conclusion.'

'No,' Max said soothingly. 'Trust me. He needs space,'

Later that night, Merlin was sent up to Max's chambers to change the sheets on his bed. Max slipped into the room while Merlin was busy. 'Merlin, there you are. I have been looking for you all morning,' he said.

'Don't know why you would be looking for me Sir. You seem to be much happier in the company of Arthur,'

'That's not true,' Max sighed. 'I like you Merlin,' he pulled Merlin round to face him. Merlin made no response, just a blank face staring straight into those cunning eyes. 'Did you hear me? I said I like you, Merlin.'

And suddenly, Max had pulled Merlin into a gut wrenching kiss. All of the hurt that had been bottled up all day came spilling out of Merlin and kissed back. He wanted to feel like somebody wanted him. It was clear that Arthur didn't so why shouldn't he kiss Max. And in Max's arms, in Max's chambers Merlin felt not only wanted. He felt desired. And it made him feel strong and brave and powerful.

Arthur wanted to talk to Max. it was Max's fault that Merlin was upset. Max had planned the whole thing from the start. He should have sent max away as soon as he had seen him. He knew max was dangerous. If he wanted something he would stop at nothing to get it. Arthur pounded down the corridors of Camelot and banged on the door. 'Max! I want to talk to you,' Arthur shouted through the door. Merlin started at the sound of Arthur's voice through the door. But by this time Max was on top of him, on the newly made bed. Merlin's shirt was on the floor, Max's shirt on a chair. 'Max! I want you to leave. You tricked me this morning. You pretended you were upset, you let me comfort you. You are the reason Merlin isn't speaking to me. You know how I feel about him.' Merlin wanted to get up. He wanted to get away from Max and get out of his chambers. He pulled away from Max's kiss but Max re-enforced it with more fervour.

'No, stop,' Merlin muttered.

'No,' Max replied, huskily. 'I want you,'

Merlin Pulled away again.

'Max!' Arthur called. If you don't reply I'm coming in. I know you are in there,'

'Get off me,' Merlin whispered, not wanting Arthur to hear.

Max sat up, straddling Merlin's hips. He put Merlin's hands on the fastening to his own trousers with perfect timing. Arthur opened the door and stopped dead in his tracks.

'Arthur' Merlin shouted. 'Get off me Max!'

But Arthur could only hear one word in all of this, 'Max'.

'Max' Arthur repeated. Merlin had pulled himself into a sitting position, knocking Max off him, onto the floor. Arthur just looked at Max with hatred. Max kissed Merlin's hand without taking his eyes off Arthur.

Arthur's eyes flicked to Merlin who was looking upset and angry. But Arthur didn't see it. He turned, just as Merlin had, and left the room.

'Max. Let me go. I need to go and see Arthur,' Merlin mumbled, tears in his eyes.

'Merlin listen to me,' Max held Merlin fast. 'Arthur doesn't want you. Your mother didn't want you. Nobody wants you. Except me,' Max pulled Merlin into a kiss and Merlin surrendered himself to the fact that Arthur didn't care.

You don't know about me  
And you don't care what affair still haunts me  
And you don't know what it is about me  
And I don't care, I don't care if you love me

Tonight in each other we'll hide  
Tonight we'll leave our troubles behind  
Tonight we'll be whoever we like  
Tonight will be alright...

And I don't know about you  
And I don't care about the girl behind you  
And I don't know what it is about you  
That makes me want to run and jump inside you

Tonight in each other we'll hide

Tonight we'll be whoever we like  
Tonight we'll leave our troubles behind  
Tonight, tonight will be alright...

You don't understand why my heart feels bad  
From the love you hold out in your hand  
And you offer it without command  
I just don't know why I can't get you inside,  
When I need you tonight...

Cause you don't know about me,  
And you don't care how this affair will break me.  
And why should I care about you

When you don't care, you don't care if I love you.


	7. Light & Dark Kate Walsh

**Light & Dark – Kate Walsh**

This link has 2 songs on it but it was the only one I could find :D .com/watch?v=F3Nj7lwGf8g

Arthur hadn't sent Max away from Camelot. He hadn't ordered him to the stocks or taken out revenge of any sort on the man. To Arthur it was clear that Merlin wanted Max and he wasn't going to get in the way of that. Arthur left a message with Gaius saying that Merlin's services were no longer required. Merlin was currently looking for a new job. Arthur was currently looking for a new manservant.

Merlin felt so guilty for what had happened to Arthur. But he had no way of talking to him about it. Arthur didn't want to see him and Merlin was forever trapped in Max's chambers. Max wouldn't let Merlin out of his sight. Once a day Gaius would return to his chambers and find Merlin out of breath and hiding in a corner; trying to get away from Max.

'For goodness sake go and talk to Arthur. If you explain it as you did to me he will understand.' Gaius would say every time he found Merlin cowering in a corner.

'I can't' Merlin replied sadly. 'He doesn't want to see me and if Max found out…' Merlin shuddered and his face went pale. 'If Max found out it would be…hell.'

'Merlin you can't go on like this. Max is using you as if you aren't a person, he's treating you like his possession that he can use as he likes. It's not fair on you or Arthur. You don't deserve this and Arthur doesn't deserve to hear the two of you every hour of the day and night,'

Merlin went even paler if that were possible. 'You can hear us?'

'Well, it's mainly Max but yes,'

'Oh God!' Merlin curled his hands into claws and pressed his finger nails into the flesh of his face. 'Arthur will never forgive me now.'

'Don't say things like that. You both love each other very much. You can get over this rough patch,' Gaius waved away Merlin's reaction.

Merlin stood up, incredulous at Gaius' words. 'Rough patch? Rough Patch! Arthur's first boyfriend comes back to Camelot and I see them together. I jump to the worst conclusion and walk out of Arthur on his birthday. I think that Arthur doesn't want me any more, Max then comes onto me in his chambers and Arthur walks in on us. Me with my hand on his trousers; him on top of me and kissing my hand. Arthur barely jumps and more like is handed the worst conclusion on a plate and since then he won't speak to or see me. Max still orders me to his chambers whenever he gets bored and uses me as his… you know… and now I find out Arthur can hear what he is making me do! Less a rough patch and more a blooming mountain range of problems!'

'Merlin. Please calm down,' Gaius said sternly. 'This is not my fault so do not take your frustration out on me.'

'You're right. As usual,' Merlin conceded. Suddenly he banged his fist on the wall. 'But I wish I could just walk away from Max,' he said angrily to the floor.

'Why can't you?' Gaius asked while measuring out a liquid that steamed when he removed the stopper.

'Because…because he's threatened me. He said he'll tell Uther I have magic.'

'And how does he know that,' Gaius looked up sharply.

Merlin shook is head; 'He doesn't. He's just threatening that if I stop coming to him he'll tell Uther that and Uther will believe an old friend of Arthur's and I'll be killed.'

'Arthur wouldn't let that happen to you. He knows Max and he would stop it,' Gaius replied.

'That's not all. He said he'd attack you.'

'Well that is no reason to keep you with that vile creature'

'Gaius, you are like a father to me. I can't save myself in the knowledge that I am putting you in danger.'

'Now listen to me Merlin. I am an old man. I have lived my life already and if he chooses to pick a fight with me I can defend myself,'

'How?'

There was a pause. 'Ok. I can't defend myself but my life means so much less than yours. Arthur needs you in the future; for Camelot and for Albion.'

'Your life is not worth less than mine,' Merlin said passionately. 'Gaius I'm useless; you are a good, kind, clever man. You are worth everything,'

'Stop it now!' Gaius pointed his spoon at Merlin.

'Spoon if doom,' Merlin whispered, letting a smile creep across his face for the first time in ages.

'Merlin. Talk to Arthur. Make him understand. Then he can help you,'

'I'll try.' Merlin mumbled. 'I just can't believe I let him go. I love Arthur and I wish I was with him still. We were going to be together forever,'

'Don't say things like that. You make it sound like you are definitely over,'

Do you hear the words I mumble?

Do you care if I should stumble?

Do you curse the day I left you, because I left you?

But I won't forget you.

Could it be that I have faultered?

I remember why I altered.

I left you for another man,

And he doesn't deserve me, I know this inside.

But he holds my heart between light and the dark.

And I, I wish it was you

Yes I, I wish it was you

Oh I…

When I think of how you held me,

Like I was the one and only,

I wish that I could love you, like I ought to,

Like I wanted to

I could've stayed in sweeter days

I felt the sun had just begun.

But I left you for another man,

And he doesn't deserve me I know this inside,

But he keeps my heart between light and the dark.

And I, I wish it was you.

Yes I, I wish it was you

Oh I…


	8. Make You Feel My Love Adele

**Make You Feel My Love:**

Merlin managed another week of being treated like Max's person sex toy before he cracked. One night when Max was fast asleep he carefully extricated himself from Max's bed and crept out of the room, shutting the door as quietly as possible and tip-toeing down the corridor. Once out of earshot he ran all the way to Arthur's room.

He didn't even knock he just went in, eyes wide with panic or fear or hope of God Knows What. His face fell when he saw what was happening in Arthur's chambers. Arthur was on his bed, naked, with a servant girl. Merlin stood and watched for a few more seconds; Arthur didn't look at the girl once. He left them to their business and walked back to his and Gaius' chambers, suddenly sedated from his small sweet moment of hope.

He crept quietly past Gaius who was sleeping soundly. On the way he picked up a candle, a piece of parchment and a quill. In the quiet privacy of his own room Merlin sat on the floor and leant on his wooden bedside table and began to write:

**When the rain**

**Is blowing in your face**

**And the whole world**

**Is on your case**

**I could offer you**

**A warm embrace**

**To make you feel my love**

**When the evening shadows**

**And the stars appear**

**And there is no one there**

**To dry your tears**

**I could hold you**

**For a million years**

**To make you feel my love**

**[ Lyrics from: .com/lyrics/a/adele/make_you_feel_my_ ]**

**I know you**

**Haven't made**

**Your mind up yet**

**But I would never**

**Do you wrong**

**I've known it**

**From the moment**

**That we met**

**No doubt in my mind**

**Where you belong**

**I'd go hungry**

**I'd go black and blue**

**I'd go crawling**

**Down the avenue**

**No, there's nothing**

**That I wouldn't do**

**To make you feel my love**

**The storms are raging**

**On the rolling sea**

**And on the highway of regret**

**Though winds of change**

**Are throwing wild and free**

**You ain't seen nothing**

**Like me yet**

**I could make you happy**

**Make your dreams come true**

**Nothing that I wouldn't do**

**Go to the ends**

**Of the Earth for you**

**To make you feel my love**

**Arthur, I know this is late but it is the first chance I have had to write to you, and I'm a little too scared to say this to your face. On your birthday, all those weeks ago, I jumped to the wrong conclusion very quickly. Later when I was making Max's bed he forced himself on me. I heard when you said when you shouted through the door; I understood that Max had done it on purpose to upset me. And all the time I was pleading with Max, asking him to get off me and leave me alone. But nothing would work and I wasn't strong enough and I know how bad it looked when you came in and I'm sorry about that. **

**But then you left me there in that room with that man when you knew what he was capable of; you knew I would have no chance fighting against him. And so I have been under his power ever since. Every moment I spend in that room I wish I were anywhere else in the world; even dead. I can't escape him for he has threatened to tell Uther I have been practicing sorcery and also he said he would attack Gaius. **

**If you no longer want me I will fully accept that for I have put you through hell, even though it wasn't my own choice. But, if you still care for me at all then please help me, get that man out of Camelot.**

**I love you forever, even if you never wish to see me again.**

**Your Merlin**

Merlin folded the parchment and returned to Arthur's chambers. He slowly opened the door to see Arthur sat in a chair by the fire, staring blindly into it. Spilling from Arthur's fingers and onto his lap was Merlin's patchwork throw. He carefully left the letter on the table closest to the door and crept back out of Arthur's chambers.

Merlin thought he had better get back to max so that he didn't know he had ever left. But, he found upon entering, too late. Max was sat looking out of the window, waiting. 'How nice of you to join me Merlin,' he said sarcastically, standing up and walking to the door to lock it and remove the key.

'I needed to use the bathroom,' Merlin said blankly.

'I doubt that,' Max retorted. 'Now you are going to pay for disappearing. Lord knows what you have been doing, at least you had the good sense to come back.' Max reached for Merlin's shirt and tugged it over his head viciously. He bound Merlin's hands together and bound them both to the end of the bed so he knelt in front of it with his back exposed.

Merlin looked round desperately, watching what max was going to do next. This would be a great time for Arthur to have read my letter and come bursting in,' he thought silently. Max walked slowly and confidently, taking in Merlin's form from every angle; eventually he stopped in a corner of the room and reached into the shadows, procuring a whip, with a long string of leather on the end of it.

Merlin knew what was coming and didn't protest. He didn't want to show weakness or fear to this man.

Max stood behind him, lifted the whip and struck Merlin's back. Merlin tensed all of his muscles against it. Max struck again and again and again, building up strength. Merlin's back burned like fire and ice colliding. He held his head steady, focusing on the window in front of him; watching the sun slowly rise over the hills, staining the sky a beautiful pink colour.

He left that room with that man. His mind drifted far away, back to that place in the woods where he and Arthur had held hands and laid on the grass while time drifted down the nearby river. Back to the place where light filtered through the leaves of the trees, staining their skin several tinges of green and yellow. Back to the place where shadows caressed their faces and whispers of love danced across skin.

Suddenly he was brought back to the agony of his back by a bang of the door. 'Max.' Merlin's eyes widened. It was Arthur. 'Max I know you've got Merlin in there and I'm coming to get him,' Arthur sounded determined.

There were a few more bangs of the door before Arthur admitted that he couldn't force through a locked door by himself. Merlin heard his footsteps jog back down the corridor. 'We shan't be disturbed now,' Max announced; returning to the task at hand, torturing Merlin.

Merlin had not let out a sound since this began, he wouldn't give Max the satisfaction. But suddenly Merlin heard something that Max didn't. There was the sound of a key in a lock, and the lock turning and suddenly the door burst open and Arthur bowled in like a tornado of energy.

He stopped as suddenly as he had started to take in what was going on. Merlin's skin glowed silvery and nymph-like when contrasted so readily with crimson blood.

Arthur then sprang into action again. He took both of Max's arms and held them tight behind him so he couldn't move and he marched him out of the room. Merlin was left to think of anything but pain.

'Guards!' Arthur called. 'Guards!' this time someone responded. 'Take this man to the cells. Lock him up. No food or water for two days, then bread and water, the smallest amount you can give,' Arthur thrust the man forward and then returned to the room.

'Merlin,' he breathed, unable to take in the sight of Merlin being tortured. He rushed forward and knelt down next to him, trying to untie his binds. 'These knots are tight,' he muttered through gritted teeth while he tried harder to untie them.

'Take as much time as you need,' Merlin said, relief in every syllable. 'Seriously there's no need to rush,'

'I've nearly got it,' Arthur's frown was almost carved into his forehead he was struggling so much with the knots. But eventually they fell apart in his fingers and Merlin was free. He stood up, shakily. 'We need to talk,' he said seriously 'But we need to fix these wounds first. Go straight to my chambers, I'll be there in a minute, don't put your shirt on it will hurt more, trust me,' he said, not quite daring to touch Merlin just yet. He was too fragile.


	9. Little By Little Oasis

**Little By Little Oasis**

Once back in Arthur's room Merlin collapsed on the unmade bed, but remained sitting, not lying for the pain to his back. He sat there while, waiting for Arthur to return. When he did he carried a bowl of some sort of potion from Gaius and a cloth. 'Here we are,' he said kindly, smiling. He moved to the bed and sat beside Merlin, he wanted to sit with Merlin between his legs for this. But they had grown apart over the past few weeks and something was blocking him like an invisible barrier, clearly Merlin needed time.

So Arthur sat beside him and carefully dipped the cloth into the potion and gently dabbed it on Merlin's cuts. Merlin winced and let out little gasps of pain. Here was the place where he could show weakness, so he did. He grimaced and complained. He dug his nails into his leg and then relaxed them. And one time he jumped so quickly to dig his nails into his leg to release the pain that he missed, and took Arthur's leg in his vice like grip instead. 'Ouch! Jesus Merlin!' Arthur exclaimed.

'Sorry,' Merlin replied very quietly. 'Sorry Arthur,'

'It's okay, you just made me jump that's all.' He said reassuringly. 'Is this making it any better?' he asked, tentatively.

'Yeah, little by little' Merlin said more to his knees than to Arthur. It took a long while, and at almost midday Arthur had covered all of the cuts three times, which was what Gaius had instructed him to do.

When he had finished Arthur told Merlin to sleep. Merlin got up to go back to his own room and, although Arthur really wanted him to sleep in his bed, Arthur let him go. After what Max had put him through Merlin deserved a sleep of privacy.

Arthur walked Merlin back to his chambers; still shirtless to prevent the material clogging up the cuts. Arthur took Merlin right into his small bedroom at the back of Gaius' rooms and shut the door behind them. 'Now I know it's the middle of the day but I want you to sleep. You need it.' He said seriously.

'Okay,' Merlin said compliantly.

Arthur stood on a box to close the shutters on the window and leave the room in darkness. He pulled back the sheets and helped Merlin into bed. 'You'll have to lie on your front, and only have the covers up to your waist, no higher or you could risk…..a lot of things,' Arthur finished lamely. Merlin lay on his front and rested his head on one arm, and let the other hang limply off the bed. Arthur sat next to him on a square inch of spare mattress and watched him close his eyes. 'Good night,' he said quietly, getting up to leave.

Merlin's free hand shot out and grabbed his. 'Arthur,' he said. 'I don't want you to go,' Arthur looked down at him, lying in the bed and looking so mall inside it, like a child in a big man's bed. 'Please, please stay with me, just for a bit?' he asked, hopefully.

'I'll stay until you fall asleep,' Arthur said, taking pity on him. 'And then I'll go and I'll come back and check on you this evening. Even if you wake up I just want you to lie here and just be for a bit until night tonight,'

'What? Not get up?' Merlin asked.

'Exactly, there's no need. I can look after myself for a day and you need to rest.'

'But you're staying now?' Merlin asked, desperately.

'Yes, I'm staying now until you fall asleep. And then I'll go when I'm certain you won't wake up for some time. And I'll be back this evening before dinner, I promise,' Merlin had closed his eyes while Arthur was saying this.

'Good,' he said with a little smile.

Arthur resumed his seat on the bed and Merlin closed his eyes and drifted off into a deep and hopefully dreamless sleep. When he had been breathing deeply for about 10 minutes Arthur dared to stand up from his perch on Merlin's very uncomfortable bed and he bent down to kiss Merlin's hair before leaving very quietly.

When Merlin woke up hours later, Arthur was sat at the end of his bed with a book. He heard Merlin move and looked up, and smiled. 'Good evening,' he said calmly.

'Hello,' Merlin replied.

'How was your nap?'

'Lovely, needed,' Merlin replied, sitting up to look at Arthur properly. 'Arthur, tell me one thing.'

Arthur looked at Merlin's troubled face more closely, curious.

'I know I'm going to need a little bit of time after all the things I did with Max which made me feel physically sick some of the time. But, have you forgiven me? I mean, after a while, will we go back to how we used to be? Or will we just stay in this place of neither one nor the other forever?'

'I don't want to stay in this place,' Arthur said, levelly.

'Neither do I' Merlin burst out.

'I would understand if you never wanted to see me again after what I did to you. But I don't want you to never see me again. I would just understand if you did,'

'Merlin, you're chatting shit again.' Arthur said, smirking.

'Sorry,' Merlin said and shut up pretty quickly.

'Merlin, I love you, nothing can change that. I'll wait as long as you need to be comfortable, but I will always love you and want you,'

Merlin's face lit up. He near leaped across the tiny bed and into Arthur's arms. He pressed his face into Arthur's neck and just clung there for a while.

'Will you stay with me again tonight?' Merlin asked, suddenly vulnerable and scared.

'Of course,' Arthur smiled. 'Only, can we use my bed please? This can barely hole me never mind you as well,'

'Fine by me,' Merlin smiled and settled into Arthur's lap to see what he had been reading.

We the people fight for our existence

We don't claim to be perfect

But we're free

We dream our dreams alone

With no resistance

Fading like the stars we wish to be

You know I didn't mean

What I just said

But my God woke up

On the wrong side of his bed

And it just don't matter now

Cos little by little

We gave you everything

You ever dreamed of

Little by little

The wheels of your life

Have slowly fallen off

Little by little

You have to give it all in all your life

And all the time I just ask myself why

You're really here

True perfection has to be imperfect

I know that that sounds foolish but it's true

The day has come

And now you'll have to accept

The life inside your head we give to you

You know I didn't mean

What I just said

But my God woke up

On the wrong side of his bed

And it just don't matter now

Cos little by little

We gave you everything

You ever dreamed of

Little by little

The wheels of your life

Have slowly fallen off

Little by little

You have to give it all in all your life

And all the time I just ask myself why

You're really here

Hey

Little by little

We gave you everything

You ever dreamed of

Little by little

The wheels of your life

Have slowly fallen off

Little by little

You had to give it all in all your life

And all the time I just ask myself why

You're really here

Why am I really here?

Why am I really here?


	10. Little Lion Man Mumford & Sons

**Okay the song for this is Little Lion Man by Mumford & Sons and I absolutely love it. I only hope this chapter has done this great song justice.**

It had been several weeks since Merlin had been saved from Max; who had since been removed from the city and warned never to return. Merlin slept in Arthur's room every night in order to feel close to him; once he had finished all of his duties for the day Merlin would spend half an hour sat on Arthur's lap on a chair by the fire. With his arms round the large, stronger man's neck he would sit and chat about nothing in particular. Arthur would listen to the sound Merlin healing and he was resolute on the fact that it was his fault the healing needed to be done in the first place. Calmly and patiently he would sit and listen to Merlin prattling away and laugh when he found something funny.

Once their half hour together was over Arthur would get out his papers and begin to work for a while longer. Merlin would fetch a glass of water for each of them and place one on each side of the bed. He would then strip off his tunic and fold it on the chair next to Arthur and he would climb up on the windowsill for a while and hug his knees and look at the stars.

Later he would climb into Arthur's bed and wait there for Arthur to finish for he knew he wouldn't sleep without him. Eventually; nestled in the crook of Arthur's strong, safe arms, Merlin could sleep. Arthur found he didn't sleep very well with Merlin in his bed; he would barely get a few hours and then be awake again. In the darkness while he was alone he would stroke Merlin's face and hair and press kisses to his shoulders and neck. When Merlin got up in the morning Arthur would spread out; taking up the whole bed with his long arms and legs and he would get another two or three hours sleep and overall he managed to survive each day.

However, after four weeks of Merlin sleeping in his bed Gaius mentioned to Arthur that the other servants had noticed Merlin's absence in Gaius' chambers and gossip was gathering momentum. Arthur nodded; his eyes not properly focusing on anything; 'Thank you Gaius for this helpful information,' he said amiably. Next time he and Merlin were alone together he would tell him.

Merlin agreed instantly that he should try to sleep in his own bed; he was beginning to fear that his attachment to the other man was growing far too strong.

So that evening he spent as much time with Arthur as possible. They still had their half an hour in the chair by the fire. Merlin Perched on Arthur's lap like a bird and stroked his blonde hair out of his eyes. 'Now, if you need me at all then don't hesitate to come and find me,' Arthur said seriously.

'I'll be fine…I promise,' Merlin said quietly. 'It is only sleeping I have done it all my life. I will not let that awful man affect me in such a way,'

'No, you shouldn't,' Arthur agreed, pressing his lips to Merlin's shoulder subconsciously. He watched the golden and yellow light of the flames dancing and flickering light up Merlin's deliciously pale skin. He saw the golden light flash into his eyes, the unintended tremble of Merlin's bottom lip and he felt the lighter than normal eight of Merlin on his lap. It was like he was already trying to remove any physical contact from Arthur. 'You are so brave you know,' Arthur said seriously 'Braver than half of my knights. And I'll protect you from anything; Max, servant's gossip, bad dreams, the lot. Don't you every worry, you'll never be alone Merlin,'

Merlin smiled and nestled his face into Arthur's neck for a while until he had to leave. And then Arthur walked him all the way to the door and kissed him on the top of his head. 'Good night Arthur.'

'Good night Merlin; sw…' he stopped and stroked his hair 'Sweet dreams' he whispered and let Merlin leave.

That night Merlin slept well and when he woke he was filled with optimism. This wasn't so terrifying after all. He near skipped about his duties all day and lit up Arthur's chambers with his beaming smiled and lively laughter.

But that night; when Arthur was about to go to sleep he heard a knock on the door. 'Prince Arthur,' it was Gwen.

'Yes?' he asked, grumpily.

'Can I come in?' she called.

'Come in' the latch lifted and Gwen came in while Arthur was getting undressed. Gwen found this particularly awkward, but Arthur couldn't seem to care less.

'Prince Arthur, it's Merlin,' Arthur looked up. 'He's ill or something. He's crying out from his room. Gaius sent me for you,'

Gwen had barely finished before Arthur was out of the door. She hurried after him down the corridors as he walked loudly, quickly and purposefully to Merlin. He entered Gaius' chambers and walked straight through to the door at the end. He stepped inside silently and found Merlin tossing and turning in his bed. His face was screwed up in fear or anger or anxiety. Cold sweat dripped from him. His breath came in bursts that worried Arthur immensely.

After watching Merlin for a few moment Arthur stepped into the room and laid a hand on Merlin's burning forehead. He whispered 'Shhhh, shhhh, I'm here Merlin. I'm here,' soothingly as he stroked Merlin's fact and watched intently. Soon he opened the window to let the cold air in.

Arthur knelt by the bed and cradled Merlin through his tossing and turning until he slept soundly again. At this point Arthur returned to his own room and told Gaius that if anything happened her was to be called back immediately.

Sure enough, about two hours later Gaius came knocking at the door Arthur had to return to Merlin's side. As Arthur soothed Merlin into sounder sleep, Gaius stood in the doorway.

'What can be going on in his head?' Gaius asked.

'I have no idea; he is doing battle in his dream but against what enemy I have no idea,' Arthur replied seriously.

'He will improve with time,' Gaius assured him.

'I know. It's just my fault,' Arthur said to himself as Gaius shuffled off to bed. 'I really fucked it up this time,' he shook his head.

Once Merlin slept properly again Arthur did not bother to return to his chambers; he simply dragged sheets and a pillow into Merlin's chambers and made up a bed for himself on the floor. He slept well in the knowledge that if Merlin was in difficulty he could help straight away.

Weep for yourself, my man,

You'll never be what is in your heart

Weep little lion man,

You're not as brave as you were at the start

Rate yourself and rake yourself,

Take all the courage you have left

Wasted on fixing all the problems that you made in your own head

But it was not your fault but mine

and it was your heart on the line

I really fucked it up this time

Didn't I, my dear? didn't i my

Tremble for yourself, my man,

You know that you have seen this all before

Tremble little lion man,

You'll never settle any of your score

( From: .net/read/m/mumford-& )

Your grace is wasted in your face,

Your boldness stands alone among the wreck

now learn from your mother or else I spend your days biting

your own neck

(chorus 2x)

But it was not your fault but mine

and it was your heart on the line

I really fucked it up this time

didn't I, my dear? (second time) didn't I my dear?

ah ah

But it was not your fault but mine

and it was your heart on the line

I really fucked it up this time

didn't i my dear?


	11. Inside Out Kate Voegele

**This song is Inside Out by Kate Voegele, youtube it ;)**

One morning Merlin woke Arthur up particularly early. 'Morning Arthur. It's time to get up,'

Arthur groaned and rolled over so his face was pushed into the pillow. 'No,' he moaned.

'Yes,' Merlin said stubbornly, opening the curtains and letting bright white sunlight penetrate the room. 'Come on Arthur!' he climbed onto the bed and put his icy cold hands on Arthur's chest, making him yelp.

'What was that for?' he complained, sulkily.

'To get you up. Now, come on,' Merlin dragged the sheets off him and then rolled him to the edge of the bed. 'If you don't move I'll push you on the floor' he threatened.

Arthur leapt to his feet and stormed round the room getting washed and dressed. 'That wasn't necessary. If you had got me up at a reasonable time instead of the middle of the night…'

'It's seven Arthur. It's hardly the early hours of the morning. Besides we have some things to do today,'

'How can we? It's a Sunday? There's nothing to do' Arthur shook his head.

'I'm taking you out for the day,' Merlin announced. 'Don't ask where we're going because it's a secret. Now are you ready yet?'

'Nearly' Arthur stepped in front of the mirror and began fussing with his hair.

'We don't have time!' Merlin pushed him out of the way of the mirror and near dragged him to the door of his chambers. 'Come on!'

The two men arrived in the courtyard as a groom arrived with 2 horses. Merlin held the opposite stirrup while Arthur got on his horse and then he quickly got on his own. Soon they were walking actively to the exit of the city. Once in the wide expanse of open fields Arthur took his horse up to the trot and excited him enough to go into canter. Merlin didn't need to do this, he watched Arthur move into the canter, slipped his leg back on the horse's side and they were off into a smooth, fast canter that sent Merlin's hair flying off is face. The two of them cantered for a shirt while and then returned to trot and Merlin lead the way all the way to a cliff. They stood at the top and looked out over the sea. It was beautiful and strong and powerful and aggressive.

'Come on.' Merlin said, turning and leading the way down the gentle slope to the beach. He didn't get off his horse, simply walked straight into the sea and Arthur followed with some trepidation. As the waves crashed around the horses' knees Merlin cantered up and down in the surf. Arthur stayed stood for a minute taking in this glorious sight of the beautiful and yet terrible ocean and Merlin enjoying the waves. And then he gave chase and chased Merlin from one end of the beach to the. Eventually they tired and got off their horses, took of their saddles and tied them up to a rock on the sand.

Merlin pulled out a blanket from his saddle bag and laid it on the sand. They both laid down on it. 'Why did you want to bring me here?' Arthur asked.

'Because it's the most beautiful place I know,' Merlin answered simply, lying back on the blanket and framing the sun between his fingers.

'Thank you,' Arthur replied.

Merlin turned over onto his side and watched Arthur for a while; the only noise was the sound of the waves crashing and the birds calling. 'I want to do something. Something I haven't done since Max was…around,' Merlin said nervously.

'Go on?' Arthur asked.

Merlin leaned down towards Arthur and kissed him, gentle and sweet.

'You haven't kissed me since the thing with Max,' Arthur said, sadly.

'Not any more,' Merlin replied, dipping in for a longer, deeper kiss, and as their tongues moved together Arthur pulled Merlin on top of him and snaked the palm of his hand down his back. They stayed like that for a while and when they surfaced, both out of breath and grinning and with lips red from desire.

'I have missed this' Arthur said, smiling. 'But now it's my turn to do something to you,'

Arthur stood up took off his shirt and boots and socks and told Merlin to do the same. Once only wearing their britches Arthur stepped towards Merlin and scooped him up over his shoulder in a fire-man's lift.

'Arthur what are you doing?' Merlin shouted.

'Wait and see,' Arthur told him, and he began to run towards the sea. Merlin's limbs were flailing and he was shouting to be put down at once but Arthur didn't put him down until he himself was shoulder deep in icy sea water.

The two men swam about for a while, rising and falling with the waves but then it all became too much and Merlin swam for Arthur as fast as he could, holding the prince in his skinny arms he kissed him like he'd never kissed him before, and leapt up with his legs round Arthur's waist. Arthur held him there and never wanted to let go. He carried him out of the sea and back to their blanket with their clothes strewn across it. Still dripping from the sea Arthur kicked the clothes off the blanket and laid Merlin on it like something delicate he had caught from the waves.

Merlin pressed kisses all down Arthur's shoulders and the top of his back. Arthur stroked Merlin tenderly…

In fairness I was an easy sell

Though I'm embarrassed

To admit it to myself

And the worst part is

You know it all too well

So don't take advantage

Of my transparent shell, no

But you think you know what I need

Impossible as it may seem

And I think it's easy to see

I am awake, it's getting late

I'm ino no state to be alone now

Yeah I'm alone now

Come light the fire in my room

I think I'm losing all control now

I don't even know how

But I'm in your rip tide

And now I'm inside out

I'm in the corner of the street acfe

And my heart is warmer

Since I heard from you today

Like a shadow creek I am gleaming

No chance of keeping any secrets

Have I lost enough security yet?

[ Lyrics from: .com/lyrics/k/kate_voegele/inside_ ]

I am awake, it's getting late

I'm ino no state to be alone now

Yeah I'm alone now

Come light the fire in my room

I think I'm losing all control now

I don't even know how

But I'm in your rip tide

And now I'm inside out

I tried to hide it, I can't deny it

Now I'm inside out

Say you love me, yeah all or nothing, oh

Now I"m inside out

I am awake, it's getting late

I'm in no state to be alone now

Yeah I'm alone now

Come light the fire in my room

I think I'm losing all control now

I don't even know how

I am awake, it's getting late

I'm ino no state to be alone now

Yeah I'm alone now

Come light the fire in my room

I think I'm losing all control now

I don't even know how

But I'm in your rip tide

And now I'm inside out


End file.
